New Works, Preparing the Studio for Painting/Writing

 Very Productive 

Studio Time

  I spent nearly 35-40 hours in the studio this past few weeks and I work a 40+ hour a week demanding job and mentoring. My fingers are worked to nubs. I am thoroughly exhausted but pleased with how much I got done. I push myself too hard. I know this, but how else does one become successful? By non-action? 

 

 My sister commented that I judge myself way too harshly and its a sad thing but that I do not apply that thinking to others. So that's good? Growing up in poverty affected my soul. My therapists says the many traumatic experiences shaped my personality. 

My mantras lately have been "Keep fighting, never give up, do the new things even though it scares me. Find something joyful in today. Share my love openly. "

Feet First into the Unknown

  I always jump into new things I have no clue about without doing too much research. Why? If I do research and plan everything, I might miss out on a spontaneous discovery that is meant for just me and my experience. Why would I want someone's exact experience? Do other people have the same mixture of resources and faculties as me? For work, I plan the shit out of everything. Maybe I find balance in jumping into new things an adventure. A challenge to think quickly on my feet. An exercise in letting go and trusting in my abilities. I stretch my mind around new things constantly! I am always saying "OMG, I hope this works, I have no clue what I'm doing" but I do the thing.

 I started a challenge months ago to cook national or popular dishes from every country in the world. I cook really well. Food is one of 3 reasons for me to live. The other 2 I'll keep to myself. You can bet its something hedonistic though. ;) This exercise in exploring food is opening up new experiences with different methods, interesting ingredients and combinations that I would normally never try. I'll put that post together when I find the time! Good food is so fucking beautiful and magical to me.

 When asked what I would be doing as a mentor for a Robotics club I replied "I have no clue, I'll figure it when I get there". And so I have, and its a blast! The students are all immigrants/refugees and I see a bit of my scrappy self in them. Many of them are leaning more toward trades and maybe not college. I think I show a good example of someone who never acquired a degree and worked at a trade long enough to be successful. My version of success. 

   My sister asked "So this is your very first craft show? At a major event at an Expo center?" I got nervous and said "yes, I have no clue what I was thinking, only that I thought it would be hilarious to dress as an elf and make stuff at a booth!" She looked at me and said "well it will be a learning experience" while laughing. I am so nervous my insides are all trembly. 

I am looking into property. I thought I would wait until January but I couldn't! I just had to know what was out there. I'll figure it out as I go, but so far the path seems fairly wide open. 

Here are the Things

The costume fits!! She sent me her measurements and I drafted this from a pattern I made. Velvet sleeves, brocade, random scraps of other fabric. All from my current stash. The bow has netting to maintain its shape.

Is that a huge display case of fine china? Yes, I collect fine china from thrift stores. I think of myself as a good steward of this collection. I cant help it. Its treasure to me and we didn't have plates growing up. We legit ate off Tupperware tops, cardboard pizza boxes or straight out of the pot/pan. I stopped my collection at this number of sets, if I want another I have to get rid of a set. This method prevents me from hoarding! 

I made her a tiny replica doll of her favorite animal!

Pet Portrait Commissions

2nd Bee Prototype!

This pattern sent me through hoops. It took 2 prototypes to figure out a pattern and method. I write all that shit down! There is a video on my Slow Tv channel on this doll :)

My new friend Taylor named him Bosworth:

Drawing For a "Stranger"

  I went into a tobacco shop and an older fella slowly walked from the back. I was asking him how his day was and chatting. He said he was sick. As I was checking out, he said "you are pretty". I said "no one ever says that to me. I am so lonely I figured it must be I'm hideous!" He said "No, you are very pretty" (Loneliness causes me to scrutinize myself under a microscope to try to figure out what is wrong with me. It hurts so bad that I have been in Utah for over 6 years and I am so lonely. Only this past week or so have I found a friend, Taylor) I put together this drawing for the old tobacco fella and left it for him the last time I was in there. I hope he liked it :) 

Preparing for Painting and Writing

  I cleaned my studio very well in preparation for reuniting with my lovers Painting and Writing. I feel this slow explosion building. When I listen to gooey love songs 99% of the time I am thinking/meditating on my love for art!! I'm horrible like that. I kinda hate romance. I love loving humans but not that fantastical shit, it needs to be grounded in practicality. 

With Art I can be a complete sap

my purest form releasing both emotional and intellectual pursuits at once

tying together body and mind 

concentrating my breath so my pulse doesn't interrupt my hands

the dreamlike state

my hands move without thinking

touch, smell, seeing, feeling

trusting that Art will never betray me, hurt me or take me for granted

I keep giving away artwork that Shawn becomes attached to. I warned him not to do that! So I made him a replacement for a caterpillar I gave away: