Gifts for Myself: Wadi Rum Jacket, Not smoking, Ecstatic Dance ritual
listen to this: https://youtu.be/nvmOoSFhhJ4?si=MApZyaPIUbYJJxUn -Hang Massive "The Secret Kissing of the Sun and Moon" (Yesterday, the yoga instructor had this song on the playlist! I know it very well since its on a few playlists of mine. More on her yoga/meditation in a minute.)
Read this: https://www.centertao.org/essays/tao-te-ching/dc-lau/chapter-28-commentary/ "As the years go by it becomes easier to keep to the role of the disgraced. I realize I’m nothing special—just a life form here for a moment and then gone."
-I like these thoughts. Very similar to my own. I like to think of myself as a small grain of sand.
Ecstatic Dance
Yesterday was a truly beautiful day. If only I could re-live a few times. I dedicated my ecstatic dance to end my rendezvous with smoking cigarettes. It was time. I was done with it.
It was Day 4 of quitting all the things. As soon as Thanksgiving break started, I quit smoking, drinking coffee, taking herbs and felt like shit off and on for a few days! I took breaks with exercise/Brazilian jui-jitsu/muay thai, sounds baths/Tibetan bowls, quick cry feeling sorry for myself, hot bath and plenty of Studio Ghibli and naps in heated blankets. Shawnster made me awesome smoothies!
At ecstatic dance, before we began, I met up with current and new friends chatting and hugging. This was so good for my soul. We started with a new yoga teacher who created a flow around both the Sun and Moon Salutations. Lots of warrior, goddess, star and "I am" energy and affirmations. I was so thrilled with her symbolism since it lined up with my mediations on duality. I kept thinking about the jacket I was working on to celebrate these themes.
We sat in the circle and was prompted to tell the group our names and 1 thing we were letting go of. Letting go of!! Seriously. When it was my turn I said I was already planning on dedicating my dance to quitting smoking and I was on day 4. I got a resounding hand drum to the floor and whoops. Being supported by the group was nice.
I usually wimp out and leave halfway through but I was determined to see it completely through. The DJ offered a bit of background on his set saying it was a unique blend of sultry and grimy and a very different style. I was way excited. I started off being the tobacco plant, cut, dried, rolled and bursting into flames and finally smoke. The warm slithering smoke. Lots of hips and arms waving toward the sky.
I thought about the times I enjoyed smoking. Songs were playing I hadn't heard in a very long time. PJ Harvey, Lady Gaga, a bit nostalgic. The enjoyment of socially smoking and chatting with others. Being a brooding introspective artist and writer while thinking and letting my thoughts swirl into the heavens. Feeling comforted in times of loneliness. https://youtu.be/lrpXArn3hII?si=bAF8TipjcUBmrmDP Bruce Springsteen "I'm on Fire"came on with some mad awesome beats!
After choosing to stop the pursuit of a family, I felt free. A freedom over my body. It was mine, I can do what I want with it and I really wanted to smoke. So I did. I danced about this freedom. I flung myself and felt truly ecstatic at this point. Sweat dripping and forgetting that gravity exists and there is actually a floor. I chose to dance with a group of folks doing some contact improv on the floor. We were a slithering, gliding, supporting and trusting mass. So thrilling and peaceful. I was grateful for that.
It occurred to me that even though I thoroughly enjoy smoking there is a point where it becomes an addiction. This power over me makes me sad. Why can't I enjoy this fire and smoke without the "more more more" thing? (and smelling like a bon fire and coughing) I also danced about the cycles of quitting and starting back up. So I danced to take that power back. Maybe just for now. I will not promise to never smoke again.
We closed with the most beautiful male voice I have ever experienced in my life. Dalton and his wife were at Celestfest sharing their songs and Dalton his native heritage. He sang and played the drum, guitar and a type of wood flute. His voice singing native songs brought tears to my eyes. I was grateful for that experience. We closed with what we would all like to make more room for. A man with mind melting brain buzz cologne said "more sex" we all laughed and cheered so hard. I yelled "smelling like that you definitely 'bout to get some!" I said I would make room for "self love".
(if curious, the cologne was Spicebomb "Original"by Victor-Rolf. Shawn and I went out the same day to several places to get it for him for Christmas. Pure heaven. Just read these notes!
I have a scent I use in the winter by Elizabeth and James "Nirvana Amethyst". Amethyst is also my birthstone. Very fitting scent for me. (discontinued) https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Elizabeth-and-James/Nirvana-Amethyst-46139.html this also features honeysuckle, honeysuckle mean a lot to me.
*no surprise that both scents feature tobacco as the main notes!
Wadi Rum Hot Airballoon Jacket
The jacket is complete. It threw many problems at me and I learned a lot making it. I wanted to take a break from making things for others and wanted to make this jacket as a gift for myself. I am not sure I will ever wear it though it might be an "art" textile clothing piece.
The feedback I received so far is "its beautiful" by the majority and 1 person/friend said it was ugly. I am ok with this individuals opinion.
Meditations about the jacket:
The first goal was to depict the landscape and scene of Wadi Rum Hot air balloon day. Shawnster and I arrived very early while the moon was still out and the balloons were waking up. Some balloons still sleeping. I don't think it was a crescent moon at all, but I enjoy that shape so I used that. Shawnster is nervous of heights so it means a lot that he set that surprise up for us. While in the air, we watched the sunrise over the mountains and desert. It was surreal and peaceful.
Front/Yin: sleeping balloons, moon, darkness, calm
Back/Yang: balloons risen, sun blazing forth, bright golden colors, excitement
First steps:
Made pattern, cut canvas material, printed off inspo pictures, drew images with both colored pencil and sienna crayon. Picked out fabric, only the faux fur was new. The other fabric/materials were second hand or re-purposed. Painted with thinned down acrylic.
Second steps:
Sewed pieces together, added down feathers, quilted.
We were supposed to be watching a movie, but I usually get hand sewing done while watching things. Only half way paying attention, this was a strange Nicholas Cage vampire movie x)
I was laughing so so hard at how ridiculous this thing is.
Penelope tried to find my hidden face in the hood. She fit her whole head in with mine and licked me frantically like "where is your head?!"
bout to add toggles maybe...
Final Steps:
The feathers were easily coming out in between the canvas fabric! I chose to use a matte finish acrylic medium to seal it. It now feels like thick leather, its warm and not entirely impractical. No pockets, I figure the hood is big enough to fit random shit!
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