Meraki Journeys

 Welp.  Ascending the Mountain Spotify Playlist:  https://open.spotify.com/playlist/09iy40e201g2rqYzqfJymZ?si=9gTT58vOTcGRnvAFy0iPjA Where to start, where to start... Ecstatic dance and the 1,000 suns. I did this dance, got sick again fell asleep and had a very powerful dream. I woke and the first thought was " I need to share this with my pen pal".  I met my pen pal when I was 20 and he was 21 at a party. My friend came to my house, picked me up, scolded me for wearing my shitty painting clothes since "you never know who you might meet!" I don't remember if either of us talked. He had a ponytail and I drew his hair. I asked him if he wanted to be pen pals so we exchanged emails.  We wrote friendly interesting sometimes very brief emails. Sometimes just once a year to check if we were still alive. A tether between us.  His life took him to an ashram for a few years. Mine took me to the Bay Area to study network engineering. I woke from that powerful dream. ...

 Listen to this: " In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida 2006 Remastered full length " Art is my lover. This is what I imagine they sound like in song form. At least one of the songs. Maybe I posted it before? Maybe I should add it to my "Make things" playlist? I never update that playlist.  Yes, I will come with you. I will walk this land with you. 6min 20 seconds and the rest of the song is sooo my soul. agggghhhh Time to go Dark Where there's Darkness there's Danger  (the whale sound gets me a little bit. the depths...)That song and this playlist , "Dark and Deviant" (Shawnster made the playlist. I love Shawns style so much. He's a cool cat) Time to write like its my other other other full time job! Heeding the call of my lover. I have been practicing with this blog in order to get used to the idea of me being out there among you. I'm not scared anymore. Fuck it. It feels slightly self-destructive/destructive. Like jumping in the ring?  Part of me died in ...

  1,000 Suns I did some writing in my journal on Qigong a while back that I thought might be offensive to highly skilled/trained/master practitioners so I didn't want to share it. The thought was this: if there are thousands of different masters and schools, aren't we all capable of being a master in qigong naturally?    I was in my young 20s living in the Bay Area and smoking the best green on the planet. I dance dance dance like it was my job. I use dance to express myself, think and move through emotions all that. So imagine I might be slightly stoned, listening to music, peaceful sunshine weather and by myself just playing around.     My mind stumbled on a visualization. The energy of things. The energy of myself, around me and the things that are just out of reach. What if I called these "just out of reach" energies to me? Washing and scrubbing through me, filling reservoirs and the rest exiting back to where they came. What if I could see and feel the...

 Forced to Rest I hate resting. Its unnatural to me. I sleep when I want and need to.  When I am sick I feel forced to rest since my mind and body stop working. I hate being forced to do a thing I don't want to do. So angry. I should be grateful my body is working to heal me. Instead I feel like a spoiled brat. Each day that passes that I spent in bed is like a week. Sleeping so hard. Having weird dreams. Waking up feeling like I failed since I am not doing a single thing. I get so much done in a day that I feel the piles and piles of things just adding up. Then my mind and body goes "sleep". and I fall back asleep. The hardest wall of sleep The obligations just sitting next to my bed growing larger each day like the pile of laundry decorations that are still in boxes postcards and Christmas cards I haven't sent out mma training I am missing work on projects for my job mentoring opportunities art commissions book I am writing art. My studio that I havent stepped foot...

Almost joining the land of the living. My sinuses taste of illness and skin smells like  acrid sweat. the final throws of battle "Make Things"  Youtube playlist "Make Things"  Spotify playlist "There's an empty space inside my heart Where the weeds take root So now I'll set you free I'll set you free Slowly we unfurl As lotus flowers 'Cause all I want is the moon upon a stick Just to see what if Just to see what is I can't kick the habit "Just to feel your fast ballooning head" Listen to your heart" "Lotus Flower" Radiohead This playlist was originally on Youtube. It reminds me of my relationship with art. My lover. I've shared it with maybe 3 people in my whole life? Its old but I still listen to it often. My playlists are journal entries. Since I think only family maybe read this blog, I feel fine sharing it. Its fiiiine.    Hi family! I love you! :)  "Inventions" Maserati  at about 6min in the clima...

I live and breathe as though I were an artist. I think everything is art.   I'm sick yet again so things might get real weird. Feverish, body aches, runny nose, sneezing. Snot rags everywhere, ginger teas, Star Wars. BLAGHH This is my lot for working with tons of people.  Touch: surprise, wanted or unwanted and the grey areas I love and crave touch. Most forms make me happy.   In the past week I went to a conference, attended a robotics competition with a couple hundred teens and went to a packed night club. Lots of people shaking hands, hugging, high fives, dancing etc. Lots of different touch going on.    At the night club I looked down a few times to see if Shawn's hand was on me or someone else's! I was wearing something short and form fitting. (I like participating in this slice of culture at clubs. It is so interesting to me.) A few times men and/or women placed their hands on my waist as they squeezed by me. Very intentional touch and not exactly b...