Meraki Journeys

  1,000 Suns I did some writing in my journal on Qigong a while back that I thought might be offensive to highly skilled/trained/master practitioners so I didn't want to share it. The thought was this: if there are thousands of different masters and schools, aren't we all capable of being a master in qigong naturally?    I was in my young 20s living in the Bay Area and smoking the best green on the planet. I dance dance dance like it was my job. I use dance to express myself, think and move through emotions all that. So imagine I might be slightly stoned, listening to music, peaceful sunshine weather and by myself just playing around.     My mind stumbled on a visualization. The energy of things. The energy of myself, around me and the things that are just out of reach. What if I called these "just out of reach" energies to me? Washing and scrubbing through me, filling reservoirs and the rest exiting back to where they came. What if I could see and feel these energies

 Forced to Rest I hate resting. Its unnatural to me. I sleep when I want and need to.  When I am sick I feel forced to rest since my mind and body stop working. I hate being forced to do a thing I don't want to do. So angry. I should be grateful my body is working to heal me. Instead I feel like a spoiled brat. Each day that passes that I spent in bed is like a week. Sleeping so hard. Having weird dreams. Waking up feeling like I failed since I am not doing a single thing. I get so much done in a day that I feel the piles and piles of things just adding up. Then my mind and body goes "sleep". and I fall back asleep. The hardest wall of sleep The obligations just sitting next to my bed growing larger each day like the pile of laundry decorations that are still in boxes postcards and Christmas cards I haven't sent out mma training I am missing work on projects for my job mentoring opportunities art commissions book I am writing art. My studio that I havent stepped foot

Almost joining the land of the living. My sinuses taste of illness and skin smells like  acrid sweat. the final throws of battle "Make Things"  Youtube playlist "Make Things"  Spotify playlist "There's an empty space inside my heart Where the weeds take root So now I'll set you free I'll set you free Slowly we unfurl As lotus flowers 'Cause all I want is the moon upon a stick Just to see what if Just to see what is I can't kick the habit "Just to feel your fast ballooning head" Listen to your heart" "Lotus Flower" Radiohead This playlist was originally on Youtube. It reminds me of my relationship with art. My lover. I've shared it with maybe 3 people in my whole life? Its old but I still listen to it often. My playlists are journal entries. Since I think only family maybe read this blog, I feel fine sharing it. Its fiiiine.    Hi family! I love you! :)  "Inventions" Maserati  at about 6min in the clima

I live and breathe as though I were an artist. I think everything is art.   I'm sick yet again so things might get real weird. Feverish, body aches, runny nose, sneezing. Snot rags everywhere, ginger teas, Star Wars. BLAGHH This is my lot for working with tons of people.  Touch: surprise, wanted or unwanted and the grey areas I love and crave touch. Most forms make me happy.   In the past week I went to a conference, attended a robotics competition with a couple hundred teens and went to a packed night club. Lots of people shaking hands, hugging, high fives, dancing etc. Lots of different touch going on.    At the night club I looked down a few times to see if Shawn's hand was on me or someone else's! I was wearing something short and form fitting. (I like participating in this slice of culture at clubs. It is so interesting to me.) A few times men and/or women placed their hands on my waist as they squeezed by me. Very intentional touch and not exactly brief. I thought i

 Qigong and Addiction Recovery Addiction and Benefits of qigong   I had been craving a cigarette and feeling quite uncomfortable. I noticed qigong helped alleviate much of that and left me feeling very in tune with my body and at peace. I did this morning qigong routine  https://youtu.be/6Z9s7tf8gxw?si=ZLO26JIQUxL7bAks with a bestfriend, also in addiction recovery, at my house one morning. She really enjoyed it and we both agreed we should try to find someone to teach classes to our AA groups. I will find and pay for an instructor as a gift for the folks there! (Update: OR I will try to teach them myself...) I bought these and a few extras to give as gifts :)                                                      "Chi Kung in Recovery: Finding Your Way to a Balanced and Centered Recovery" - Gregory S. Pergamont has used the 12 Step recovery process through AA and found Chi Kung later as an enhancement recovery.   https://www.amazon.com/Chi-Kung-Recovery-Balanced-Centered-ebook

listen to this:  https://youtu.be/nvmOoSFhhJ4?si=MApZyaPIUbYJJxUn   - Hang Massive "The Secret Kissing of the Sun and Moon" (Yesterday, the yoga instructor had this song on the playlist! I know it very well since its on a few playlists of mine. More on her yoga/meditation in a minute.) Read this:  https://www.centertao.org/essays/tao-te-ching/dc-lau/chapter-28-commentary/    " As the years go by it becomes easier to  keep to the role of the disgraced . I realize I’m nothing special—just a life form here for a moment and then gone."  -I like these thoughts. Very similar to my own. I like to think of myself as a small grain of sand.  Ecstatic Dance   Yesterday was a truly beautiful day. If only I could re-live a few times. I dedicated my ecstatic dance to end my rendezvous with smoking cigarettes. It was time. I was done with it.   It was Day 4 of quitting all the things. As soon as Thanksgiving break started, I quit smoking, drinking coffee, taking herbs and felt lik